Breakthrough in DVR Storage and Time Shifting Rumored

MOUNTAIN VIEW, California (AB)  Koherence Labs, the R&D arm of consumer electronics consulting firm Koherence, LLC,  is rumored to have made a breakthrough in content recording. Dubbed “InfiniDVR,” the new technology allows  an effectively unlimited recording capacity and permits viewing of all shows that have ever been or will be broadcast.

Mirroring the invention of Post-It Notes, a source at the lab indicated that the discovery was the unexpected byproduct of an untargeted advertising feature presently under development. “At first we thought this was a bug – all of the ads in the recordings appeared corrupted. However upon deeper examination we discovered that they were in fact broadcast segments utilizing H.289 volumentric coding with AC-11 audio in what we believe to be an NB8 container. We were stunned to find that some of the ad segments were in fact news clips indicating a broadcast date of April 1, 2124. This resulted from a controlled implosion of the Entangle Time Warp engine that allowed the DVR’s receiver front-end access to broadcasts across the space-time continuum. Basically the DVR has immediate access to all broadcasts – past, present, or future.”

Unfortunately watching many of these future broadcasts, such as Star Trek: The Next-to-Last Generation or season 132 of The Simpsons, in real-time presently requires the combined compute power of all supercomputers, workstations, PCs, gaming consoles, smart phones and microwaves currently available. “The H.269 codec compresses 1024k/600v volumetric content very well, but is extremely computationally expensive to decode. Your typical media PC today would play back at about 1^-10000 fps.  But don’t worry, your great-great-grandkids will be able to enjoy all those shows in about 100 years when holovisions with the requisite horsepower will be readily available.”

After press time a commercialized version of InfiniDVR was in a state of quantum flux and available in some timelines but not others due to injunctions by the Department of Temporal Investigations and pre-injunction appeals by the Consumed Electronics Association and Universal Association of Broadcasters. Representatives at Koherence were not and never will be available for comment. A source close to the case who requested not to be named for any good reason was heard muttering, “I hate temporal mechanics…”

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